Couples counseling has become so common that about 44% of couples now go to marriage counseling, some even before they get married! But what happens if your partner refuses to accept professional counseling services? It’s common for people to be resistant to counseling, especially marriage counseling because they feel that it implies some kind of failure.
Of course, you can’t change your partner or force them to begin therapy if they don’t want to. Even if they did attend counseling under these circumstances, it might create more negative feelings between you. Your partner will also likely fail to get value out of counseling if they don’t see the value in it. Fortunately, the following suggestions may help you encourage your partner to join you in couples counseling in Orange County.
Going It Alone
Ideally, you and your partner would attend couples counseling together, but if your partner refuses to accept professional counseling services, individual therapy can help you make improvements to your relationship. A qualified couple’s counselor will be able to help you work on issues in your relationship even without your partner.
It’s important to keep in mind that all problems in a relationship are created by both partners. This means that if one partner starts therapy, they will begin to change their behavior within the relationship, which will shift the relationship’s dynamics. Negative interaction and communication patterns will no longer be your default, making it possible for you to change the relationship for the better. Even when just one partner accepts their role in negative patterns, positive changes can be made.
In addition to this, going to therapy alone may help your partner see the value of it and encourage them to join you.
Share What You’ve Learned
Some people believe that couples counseling may actually do more harm than good. However, if you begin to attend therapy individually and your partner begins to see positive changes in your behavior and relationship, this may encourage them to join you. This will make the value of professional counseling services real and tangible for them.
Invite Them for a One-Time Session
A hesitant partner may also be able to join therapy by joining you for an individual session where they’ll have the opportunity to tell your therapist “their side of the story”. This session may become a positive experience for your partner and encourage them to return for another session. Eventually, your individual therapy may become couples counseling sessions.
Emphasize Your Partnership
Make it clear to your partner that even though you have difficulties in your relationship, you want to work as a team to improve them. This will let your partner know that the two of you are in solidarity and you’re open to doing whatever is necessary for a healthier and happier partnership.
Ask Your Partner What They Would Like to Get Out of Couples Counseling
Sometimes, a partner will be resistant to professional counseling services because they feel that it’s the other partner’s idea to go. You can help them see value in counseling and make it a shared idea by asking your partner what they would hypothetically like to get out of couples counseling if the two of you were to go together. Once your partner begins thinking about this, they may begin to see how counseling could help them and what they can gain from couples counseling. This may help them warm up to the idea of attending sessions.
Communicate Hopefulness
No matter how difficult your relationship issues may be, hope is important. Be clear with your partner about how you think professional counseling services can benefit your relationship. Explain that despite your difficulties and the work that needs to be done, you have hope for your relationship and for a happy future with your partner. This will go a long way in helping you and your partner take the steps necessary to begin to repair your relationship.
Professional Counseling Services for Couples in Orange County
Just the act of suggesting professional counseling services to your partner can be intimidating. Recognizing that you may benefit from couples counseling is an important step, but trying to get your partner on the same page isn’t always easy. However, it’s important that you don’t let your fear stop you from doing what’s best for your relationship.
Jennifer De Francisco, MPA, MSW, LCSW, offers couples counseling in Orange County, CA for couples at any stage in their relationship. Her approach provides a safe environment to open and honestly share thoughts and emotions. Through developing a positive, therapeutic relationship, you and your partner can interpret what is going on, both in your life and in the session, creating a better awareness within your relationship.
Contact Jennifer De Francisco by calling (949) 251-8787 or making an appointment online.