The intense emotional pain of losing a loved one can take a terrible psychological toll. It can seem to completely change one or both partners in a relationship, and they may both have very different reactions to their grief as well. While one partner may want to talk about their grief, the other may become closed off and begin to isolate. This is why grief and relationships are such a difficult combination and why it can be so difficult to navigate grief as a couple without help in the form of couples counseling or marriage counseling. However, understanding why each person reacts so differently to grief may help you work through this difficult time together.
Everyone grieves differently
There’s no one way to grieve, which can be difficult and frustrating for people in relationships, especially when they’re used to being on the same page. One partner may want to avoid being alone and spend time with loved ones, including their partner. However, the other partner may shut down and withdraw, preferring to distract themself with work or hobbies that they participate in alone.
People tend to have expectations about how the people around them should grieve based on their own feelings, but it’s important to understand that no one will grieve the way you do, just like you won’t grieve exactly like anyone else. While it may be frustrating, and your partner’s reactions may be difficult to understand at times, it’s important that you’re both open and understanding how the other will grieve.
It’s important to keep communication open and provide support however possible.
Your relationship will change
One of the most important things to understand when experiencing loss as a couple is that your relationship will change. You can’t expect things to just remain the same or eventually go back to normal. Tragedy and loss change people, which means that relationships will inevitably change as well.
These changes can be positive, leading both partners to become closer and more supportive of each other than ever before. Unfortunately, in other cases, the changes may be negative. Keep in mind that both you and your partner are mourning in your own ways, whether it brings you together or exacerbates existing issues in your relationship.
It can be difficult to cope with these relationship changes while grieving a loss, but understanding that changes will take place can prepare you to deal with them.
Get Couples Counseling for Grief and Relationships in Orange County
Dealing with a loss is incredibly difficult and there is no simple, linear progression for grief. It’s more like a rollercoaster, during which partners may sometimes seem to be “over it”, then suddenly be overcome with feelings of sadness. One of the most difficult parts of grief is that two partners rarely ever grieve in the same way. This is why offering support, being flexible, and listening to their needs are some of the best things both partners can do for each other throughout the grieving process.
Fortunately, you and your partner don’t have to deal with the effects of grief on your relationship alone. With couples counseling, you and your partner can become better equipped to help each other through this difficult time and avoid any potential harm to your relationship.
Jennifer De Francisco, MPA, MSW, LCSW is a marriage counselor offering counseling for grief and relationships in Newport Beach, Irvine, and Orange County. If you’d like to schedule an appointment, call her office at (949) 251-8797 or make an appointment online.